Navigating Holiday Blues When Everyone Else Seems Festive

By Dr. Daniel Lydon

“Suppose I said
Colors change for no good reason
And words will go
From poetry to prose”
—John Mayer, Not Myself

The holiday season is often portrayed as a time of joy, connection, and celebration. And for many people, that’s true. But for others, this time of year brings holiday stress, loneliness, or a sense of emotional heaviness that can feel completely out of sync with what’s happening around them.

As a NYC psychologist, I hear from many clients who feel confused or discouraged that everyone else seems festive while they’re struggling internally. If that resonates with you, you’re in good company—and your experience is valid.

When the Holidays Don’t Match How You Feel

It’s more common than many people realize to feel emotionally off around the holidays. People often notice increases in:

• Stress or overwhelm

• Anxiety

• Sadness or depression (including seasonal patterns)

• Loneliness

• Grief

• Burnout

Others are navigating addiction, early sobriety, or life transitions that feel especially tender during a time that emphasizes togetherness.

Sometimes there’s a clear trigger—a loss, breakup, illness, job change, or disrupted routine. Other times it’s more subtle: you simply don’t feel like yourself, and you’re not sure why.

Many people feel the pressure to be cheerful even when they’re not. Messages about gratitude and celebration can make it harder when your emotional state doesn’t match the season. You may end up feeling isolated or even like you’re “failing” the holidays.

Here’s the truth:
You’re not doing anything wrong. Emotions don’t follow a calendar, and you can’t force holiday spirit on demand.

“Why Can’t I Just Be Happy?”—The Weight of Self-Judgment

When you’re struggling, it’s easy to slip into self-blame. You may notice thoughts like:

• “Everyone else seems happy. Why not me?”

• “I should be more grateful.”

• “I’m ruining the holidays for everyone.”

Some people withdraw from holiday gatherings because they fear judgment or worry they won’t be wanted unless they’re their “usual self.”

John Mayer captures this feeling perfectly when he asks:

“Would you want me when I'm not myself?
Wait it out while I am someone else?”

These fears are deeply human—and incredibly common.

Evidence-Based Strategies to Navigate Holiday Distress

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, small, thoughtful shifts can offer meaningful relief. These strategies are drawn from approaches commonly used in adult therapy.

1. Share (Even a Little) with Someone You Trust

You don’t have to explain everything. Even briefly letting someone know you’re having a hard time can ease the pressure to pretend you’re okay. A small amount of connection can be grounding and relieving.

2. Get Moving—Especially When Motivation Is Low

Holiday blues often come with lowered energy. That’s exactly why movement matters.
A short walk, light stretching, or a small household task can help lift your mood.

This idea—behavioral activation, an evidence-based CBT tool—helps depression by encouraging gentle activity before motivation appears. Action leads to improved mood, not the other way around.

If getting started feels hard, try beginning with just 2–5 minutes. Your mind and body can catch up.

3. Focus on One Doable Step

Overwhelm grows when we try to fix everything at once. Instead, choose one manageable action for today or this week.
This CBT-based approach builds momentum and creates sustainable change, without adding pressure.

The Power of Feeling Understood

Feeling misunderstood or unsupported can intensify emotional pain. Many people keep their struggles private because they’re unsure who will understand—or because past attempts to share didn’t go well.

Therapy offers a space where your experiences can be met with curiosity rather than judgment. Many clients describe it as the one place where they can say the hard or complicated things they don’t feel comfortable sharing elsewhere.

If you’ve been considering support, connecting with a therapist can help you feel seen, validated, and equipped to navigate seasons like this.

A Final Word of Hope

If you’re struggling this holiday season, your feelings make sense. This time of year affects everyone differently, and your emotional experience is just as real and worthy of care as anyone else’s celebration.

The heaviness you’re feeling is not permanent. With support, intention, and time, many people find relief and reconnect with themselves again.

May this season offer you moments of rest, gentleness, and permission to feel exactly as you feel.

As John Mayer reminds us:

“And I
In time
Will come around.”

If the holiday blues are affecting your well-being, support is available. Click to schedule a consultation and take the next step toward feeling more grounded and connected.