Loneliness in a Connected World
By Nicole Trister
As 2026 begins, many of us are thinking about the dreaded and hopeful New Year Resolution. In our practice we are hearing more and more of a desire to unplug from phones, technology, and specifically social media. As you think about the upcoming year it might be helpful to understand where this desire to unplug is coming from.
Paradox of Access
We live in a time of constant connection — social media, dating apps, group chats, and online communities all at our fingertips. Yet, loneliness feels more present than ever.
We scroll through beautiful moments from other people’s lives but often end up feeling more isolated and disconnected from real closeness. How can having so much access to others make us feel less connected?
This is the paradox of access — the idea that the more digitally connected we become, the lonelier we can feel. The online world promises belonging and intimacy but often leaves us scattered, overstimulated, and yearning for something real.
The Cost of Always Being “Connected”
Think about the experience of endlessly swiping through dating apps. There’s the excitement of new faces and conversations, but also the exhaustion of interactions that rarely lead anywhere meaningful.
From a psychological lens, this cycle can reflect an unconscious search for connection. A deep desire to fill an inner void that quick messages and digital flirtations can’t satisfy.
A powerful example of this appears in the Netflix documentary The High School Catfish, where a mother creates a fake online identity to message her daughter. Her need to connect becomes tangled with unresolved emotional pain. It’s a painful reminder that technology can sometimes serve as a stage for old wounds rather than a bridge to healing.
When Comparison Steals Our Joy
Spending time online can easily trigger mental traps. We compare ourselves to idealized versions of others through their curated happiness, filtered photos, and achievements. We magnify what we lack and minimize what we have.
This can sound like:
“Everyone else seems happier than me.”
“If I’m not doing as well as them, I must be failing.”
These patterns erode self-compassion and make loneliness feel even heavier.
Approaches like Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) offer tools for these moments. Mindfulness practice helps us notice emotional reactions without judgment. Distress-tolerance skills help us sit with discomfort rather than escape into another scroll. Interpersonal skills help us build real, face-to-face relationships.
Still, while these strategies help us manage the noise, they don’t always answer the deeper question: what are we really longing for when we reach for our phones?
Beneath the Screen: What We’re Really Searching For
Sometimes, being constantly online protects us from what we fear - rejection, vulnerability, or facing our own loneliness. Other times, it reflects a longing for recognition or love that feels safer to seek through a screen than in real life.
The digital world often becomes a mirror, reflecting both our desires and our defenses. And in that reflection, we might notice the ache for something more embodied, more mutual, more human.
The Return to Real-World Connection
Interestingly, as online life grows, more people are craving offline spaces to connect. This has included joining run clubs, hobby groups, community dinners, or creative workshops.
These gatherings remind us that no emoji can replace the warmth of shared laughter or the comfort of being seen face-to-face. We’re not rejecting technology; we’re remembering that our hearts and nervous systems still crave presence, touch, and real-time connection.
Moving Toward Balance
The goal isn’t to quit the digital world but to relate to it with more awareness.
In therapy, and in everyday life, we can explore how our online habits reflect our emotional needs. We can pause before reaching for the screen, notice what we’re really seeking, and choose connections that feel genuine and nourishing.
Because beneath all the scrolling and swiping, our longing is simple: to be known, to belong, and to connect not just through screens but through shared presence, vulnerability, and compassion.
Finding Your way Back to Connection
If this topic resonated with you, know that you’re not alone in navigating the push and pull of digital life and emotional connection. Therapy can offer a space to slow down, notice your patterns, and reconnect with what feels most meaningful.
At Evoke Psychology, we help individuals explore these themes with curiosity and compassion. Reach out for a free consultation today.
