Can Women Really “Have It All”?

By Dr. Magda Buczek

When I became a mom, I vividly remember returning to my full-time job in the height of my daughter’s four-month sleep regression and thinking, How am I going to survive this?

I was raised to be high-achieving, perfectionistic, and always a “yes” person—grateful for every opportunity and determined to make the most of it. Motherhood disrupted that identity almost overnight. I noticed myself feeling apathetic about work, wishing I didn’t have to juggle so much, and doing the bare minimum just to get through the day.

What followed was a familiar spiral for many women: self-judgment, comparison, and shame. I watched other women who appeared to “do it all” with ease, while I felt like I was dropping the ball everywhere. I didn’t feel good enough at work, at home, or within myself.

At the time, it felt like personal failure. In reality, I was set up to fail.

The Cultural Lie We Inherit

As women, many of us are shaped by a well-intentioned but ultimately harmful message: You can have it all.
A thriving career. A deeply present family life. A strong partnership. Time for yourself. Fulfillment, balance, joy—all at the same time.

I never felt more validated than hearing Michelle Obama name what so many women quietly experience. In a podcast and later in her memoir Becoming, she challenges this narrative directly—not as a failure of feminism or ambition, but as a misunderstanding of how life actually works.

Her truth is simple and deeply liberating:

Women can have it all—just not all at the same time.

The Myth of Simultaneity

The pressure many women feel isn’t just about achievement—it’s about timing. We’re taught that everything should peak simultaneously, and when it doesn’t, we assume something is wrong with us.

When your career is thriving, you’re told you’re neglecting your family.
When you slow down professionally, you’re warned you’re “losing momentum.”
When you focus on everyone else’s needs, you wonder where you went.

The problem isn’t ambition.
The problem is the belief that life should unfold in perfectly balanced quadrants.

Real life doesn’t work that way. Life moves in seasons, and seasons require trade-offs.

Seasons, Not Shortcomings

In Becoming, Michelle Obama reflects honestly on periods when her career took a back seat to her family—particularly during the years her children were young. She doesn’t romanticize those years. She names the resentment, grief, and complexity that came with those choices—emotions many women are taught to suppress or feel ashamed of.

What’s powerful is that she doesn’t frame those years as “lost.” They weren’t failures or detours. They were simply a season. Other seasons followed—some quieter, some more expansive, some more public and professionally fulfilling.

This reframing matters. It shifts the question from “What’s wrong with me?”  to “What does this season require?”

Why This Message Still Matters

Even today, women are praised for doing everything—and quietly punished when they can’t sustain it. The mental load. The invisible labor. The constant internal monitoring:

Am I doing enough here? Am I failing there?

Michelle Obama’s perspective gives us permission to release the fantasy of perfect balance and replace it with something far more humane: intentional prioritization.

You don’t need to do everything right now.
You don’t need to excel in every role at once.
You are not behind—you are in process.

Redefining “Having It All”

Maybe “having it all” isn’t about simultaneous success.
Maybe it’s about presence—being where you are without constant self-reproach.
Maybe it’s about trusting that other parts of you will have their time again.

Michelle Obama doesn’t offer a neat formula. What she offers is honesty. And in a culture built on impossible standards, that honesty is radical.

You can have a meaningful career.
You can have a rich family life.
You can have rest, growth, ambition, and joy.

Just not all at once—and that doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong.

If this resonated, I hope you felt a sense of validation and relief. In a follow-up post, we’ll explore practical skills for navigating the competing demands of parenthood, work, and personal identity.

And if you find yourself needing additional support, we’re here to help. Reach out for a consultation.