From Summer to School: Helping Kids and Teens Ease Back Into the School Year
Written by Dr. Magda Buczek
As summer winds down, families often find themselves navigating a mix of emotions. There may be excitement about seeing friends again, anticipation about a fresh start, sadness that summer is ending, and anxiety about what the new school year might bring.
For kids and teens, returning to school means more than trading swimsuits for backpacks. It means adjusting to earlier mornings, increased academic expectations, homework, extracurricular activities, social pressures, and less downtime. Even children who generally enjoy school can have a difficult time with the transition.
Parents can't—and don't need to—eliminate every worry or make the first few weeks go perfectly. What helps most is creating a sense of structure and predictability while communicating confidence in your child's ability to handle what's ahead.
1. Start Shifting Routines Before the First Day
One of the hardest parts of returning to school is getting the body and brain back on a school-year schedule.
During the summer, bedtimes often get later, mornings become more relaxed, meals happen at different times, and screen use may increase. Suddenly shifting to a 6:30 a.m. alarm can make the first week of school harder than it needs to be.
About one to two weeks before school starts, gradually move bedtime and wake-up time closer to the school-year schedule. Reintroduce predictable meal times and begin adding some structure to mornings and evenings.
You don't need to recreate the entire school routine before summer is over. Small changes can make the transition feel much less abrupt.
For younger children, consider practicing the morning routine together: getting dressed, eating breakfast, brushing teeth, packing a backpack, and getting out the door. For teens, encourage them to think through what they need to change about their sleep and morning routine, rather than managing every detail for them.
2. Make Space for Mixed Feelings
It's easy for parents to assume that a child who likes school, has friends, or had a good previous school year shouldn't feel anxious about returning.
But excitement and anxiety can exist at the same time.
A child can be excited to see friends and worried about a new teacher. A teenager may be looking forward to soccer season while feeling overwhelmed by a more demanding course load. Another child may simply feel sad that summer is ending.
Instead of immediately trying to make the feeling go away, start by acknowledging it.
You might say:
"It makes sense that you're nervous. Starting something new can feel uncomfortable."
"You can be excited to see your friends and still not feel ready for summer to end."
"It sounds like you're worried about not knowing anyone in your class. Let's think about what might help."
Validation doesn't reinforce anxiety. It teaches children that difficult emotions can be acknowledged and managed without needing to be avoided.
3. Resist the Urge to Fix Every Worry
When children are anxious, parents naturally want to help them feel better. We reassure, problem-solve, email teachers, rearrange schedules, or try to remove whatever is causing the discomfort.
Sometimes children genuinely need our help. Other times, too much rescuing can unintentionally send the message: This really is too difficult for you to handle.
Instead, approach worries with curiosity.
Try asking:
"What part are you most worried about?"
"What do you think you could do if that happened?"
"Have you handled something like this before?"
"Do you want me to listen, help you think of ideas, or actually step in?"
That last question can be particularly useful with teens, who may want support without immediately wanting parental intervention.
The goal isn't to convince children that nothing difficult will happen. It's to help them develop confidence that they can cope when difficult things do happen.
4. Make the Unknown More Familiar
Uncertainty can fuel anxiety. Whenever possible, give your child information about what to expect.
For younger children, this might mean visiting the school, walking past the classroom, looking at pictures of the teacher, practicing drop-off, or talking through what the first morning will look like.
Older children and teens may benefit from reviewing their schedules, figuring out transportation, locating classrooms, organizing materials, or understanding extracurricular schedules ahead of time.
If your child is entering a new school, transitioning to middle or high school, or starting college, they may need additional preparation and reassurance.
The goal isn't to remove every unknown. It's to give your child enough information to feel that the situation is manageable.
5. Give Kids Some Ownership
Back-to-school preparation can quickly become a long list of things parents are telling their children to do.
Instead, look for opportunities to give your child developmentally appropriate control.
Younger children might choose their backpack, pick their first-day outfit, organize school supplies, or decide what they want for lunch.
Older kids and teens can take increasing responsibility for organizing materials, managing calendars, setting alarms, packing their bags, communicating with teachers, and keeping track of assignments.
It can be tempting to take over—especially when you know you could do something faster. But school isn't only about academic success. It's also an opportunity to develop independence, organization, problem-solving, and self-advocacy.
6. Keep the First Day in Perspective
For an anxious child, frequent reminders about school can unintentionally increase anticipation.
"Are you excited?"
"Are you nervous?"
"Can you believe school starts in three days?"
"How are you feeling about your new teacher?"
Even well-intentioned questions can make school feel like an enormous event that requires emotional preparation.
Instead, keep the tone calm and matter-of-fact. Talk about school, answer questions, and prepare as needed—but continue enjoying the final days of summer, too.
Your demeanor communicates something important:
This is a transition, and we can handle it.
7. Expect an Adjustment Period
The first few weeks of school can be exhausting.
Children who seemed regulated all summer may suddenly become irritable, emotional, clingy, defiant, or exhausted at home. Teens may retreat to their rooms or seem unusually short-tempered.
Before assuming that something is seriously wrong, consider how much energy the beginning of school requires.
Kids are adjusting to new teachers, peers, expectations, schedules, academic demands, and social dynamics—often all at once.
Consider protecting some downtime after school, especially during the first few weeks. You may not need to immediately fill every afternoon with activities, tutoring, appointments, and social plans.
Some children want to talk as soon as they get home. Others need food, quiet, movement, or some time alone before they're ready to engage.
Pay attention to what helps your child decompress.
8. Ask Better After-School Questions
"How was school?"
"Fine."
Sound familiar?
Broad questions often produce broad answers, particularly from older children and teens.
Try asking more specific, low-pressure questions:
"What was the easiest part of today?"
"What was the most annoying part?"
"Who did you sit with at lunch?"
"What class seems like it might be interesting?"
"Was anything different than you expected?"
"What's one thing that made you laugh today?"
And remember: your child doesn't need to give you a complete recap of every school day.
Being available and genuinely interested is often more helpful than trying to extract information.
9. Notice Your Own Back-to-School Anxiety
Back-to-school season can be stressful for parents, too.
You may be worried about whether your child will make friends, like their teacher, keep up academically, manage their responsibilities, make the team, or avoid difficulties they experienced last year.
Those concerns are understandable. But children are also remarkably sensitive to the anxiety of the adults around them.
Before asking another question, checking the parent portal again, emailing the teacher, or stepping into a problem, pause and ask yourself:
Does my child need something from me right now—or am I trying to reduce my own anxiety?
Sometimes the most helpful thing a parent can do is tolerate uncertainty alongside their child.
10. Focus on Coping, Not a Perfect Start
There may be tears on the first morning.
Your middle schooler may get lost.
Your teenager may come home convinced they hate one of their classes.
Someone will probably forget a water bottle, miss an assignment, have an awkward lunch period, or sleep through an alarm.
None of these moments determine how the school year will go.
Rather than measuring success by whether your child is immediately happy, confident, organized, and thriving, look for something more important:
Are they learning that they can navigate challenges?
Confidence doesn't come from everything going smoothly. It develops through experience—encountering something difficult, moving through it, and discovering, I handled that.
When Back-to-School Anxiety May Need More Support
Some anxiety during a transition is normal. However, it may be time to seek additional support when anxiety is intense, persists beyond the initial adjustment period, or significantly interferes with your child's ability to attend school or participate in everyday activities.
Signs that additional support may be helpful can include:
Frequent physical complaints before school
Persistent sleep difficulties
Repeated school refusal
Panic symptoms
Significant changes in mood or behavior
Excessive reassurance-seeking
Withdrawal from friends or activities
Anxiety that continues to escalate rather than improve
If you're concerned, consider speaking with your child's pediatrician, school counselor, or a mental health professional who works with children and adolescents.
A Final Reminder for Parents
The transition from summer to school doesn't need to be seamless to be successful.
Your child doesn't need you to eliminate every worry, prevent every mistake, or make sure every part of the school year goes according to plan.
They need something much more sustainable: a parent who listens, provides structure, validates difficult feelings, allows room for growing independence, and communicates confidence in their ability to cope.
As backpacks get packed and alarms get set, remember that one of the most powerful messages you can send your child is also one of the simplest:
"I know this might feel hard sometimes—and I believe you can handle hard things. I'm here when you need me."
